Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Zero time

Sorry everyone, I've been meaning to post, but I have no time for just about anything. Hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas season.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Already a bad mom...

Don't freak out, I'm not pregnant.

I've been getting a little depressed lately when I think about the possibility of motherhood. Several times I've been asked in recent months, "Are you going to keep your job once you have kids?" Keep in mind that it's only good practicing Catholic home school or Catholic school moms who've asked me this. Most of them either are or have stayed at home for a significant period of time. I often answer things like, "well you never know..." and leave it open ended, but I knwo the answer... and it kills me.


You have to understand, James works for a small private school which barely pays enough for him to live on his own. Now, he does have a lot of free time (not to mention summers off, grr), and he has been writing articles that he's hoping to get published (yes, he's actually written like 5 or 6 now, still in the editing stages, so it's not like he's just sitting at home watching TV all day. He hopes to be a professional intellectual (sigh, at least he's not one of my friends who hopes to be Socrates), and I think he has a decent chance with it. But we have talked about this ad nosiam, unless something wonderful happens (like he becomes as popular as Scott Hahn, George Weigel, or other people who neither he nor I really like), it's aint going to happen.

1) Cutting my job out means we would have to figure out how to live with a huge chunk of lost income. We have a rather large student loan debt, and the expenses from that would kill us. Now, I have friends who live in areas with a lot higher cost of living who make probably less than us and the wife stays home and it's fine. I admire that. I can't be that. I can't live like that, where I have to scrape for every penny. I have one set of friends who live very minimally and are more happy for it. I've decided that I don't want to live like that, though I admire them in many ways. I like keeping my house warm (though I always turn it down when no one's in it) in the winter and occasionally running an a/c on uber humid days. I like having lamb and duck that I got for good prices at Aldi. I like knowing that I am helping my soon-to-be husband do what he wants to do (and is phenomenally good at). God gave him a great gift of intellect (which makes for very annoying arguments on my end) and an even greater gift of desire to serve the Church with it. I am proud to be able to help in in that, even though he will probably never make enough for me to be able to even work part time. We both like living comfortable lives. Some people would think I'm a monster for saying it. I know it sounds like I'm sacrificing my children for the sake of comfort, but that's not the case at all. Keep reading.

2. James has basically a part time job. Seriously. We hope to be able to pawn off (with pay, off course) the young kids to a friend while James is teaching. Working at a basically Catholic private school, we could have our older kids go there free and James could take care of them during the day. I don't think I would necessarily be sacrificing them by doing this.

3. I need the health insurance. James' job offers no benefits to family members. He doesn't even get dental or vision for himself. I have serious health issues that need to be addressed regularly and are expensive. I have to have health insurance. With my preexisting condition(s) insurance for me would be somewhere around $500 a month with a pretty high deductible. I get a great health insurance through my work where I even get a Health Savings Account (they put the money toward my deductible in every month, so I basically don't have to pay for health expenses). Best of all, if I don't use the money in my HSA, I can keep it forever (or at least for a long time)! I've heard that there are people at my work who have $8,000 and more in their HSA that's just built up over time! There are also some other pretty sweet benefits, too, where I am enrolled in company stock (no idea how it works), ect. It's pretty sweet, and I really wouldn't want to give that up by even going part time.

That last one is the one that really gets me. My dreams of being a stay at home mom are basically crushed by my health. Oh well, I'd probably be a really bad stay at home mom anyway...Maybe in like 20 years when I'm fully vested in my stock and hopefully have tons of money in my HSA I'll be able to retire (you know, when I wont need to stay at home for the kids anymore...)

Honestly, I'm just so grateful that we're able to start out like this. Neither James nor I expected me to be doing this well, and both of us in jobs that we basically like. I'm too thankful for it to complain about what's not even an issue yet.

...though I still think I'm going to be a terrible mother.


It appears to be fashionable to link to other blogs that you follow on your blog. Today, AKA The Mom put on her blog some money saving tips. I'm no person for going entirely out of my way to save a dollar, but these are incredibly easy and can make a difference in just one use. See the link below for the money savers:

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

What to write about?

It's amazing how all week I'll be thinking, "Man, I can't WAIT to blog about this!" but by the time I get a chance, I've completely forgotten about it.

I'll put in a little update about Medicine N. I've been on my New medicine on its full dose for right at around 2 months now. Since I've been on N, I've had a brigade of side effects, ranging from moodiness to severe sleep deprivation. All the effects have since mellowed out. I talked to my doctor today with James (who isn't so sure about me taking a med that's not FDA approved among other things). James has a natural distrust for doctors, so he's still checking this stuff out. We're going to lower my dosage because I'm still having some sleep disturbances (mainly that I sleep for 8 or 9 hours and am still exhausted every day). I started going to a chiropractor. I know, many people think they're nuts but I've always kinda liked them. Also, because I've already used up my deductible this year, I get to go 3 times a week for free till January. I have noticed progress, but my body is still in some pretty bad shape. I finally caved and started going about a month ago when I threw out my shoulder by picking up my 2 year old neighbor. My chrio is also a nutritionist and he wants me to take some supplements to help me sleep better. Frankly, I don't mind trying them.

James' birthday is right around Christmas. I asked him if I could get him just one present for both, and he looked rather hurt. Sorry, I just don't really come from a family that makes a big deal out of birthdays. I don't even remember if my parents gave my anything for my birthday most of the years I was in college (they probably did and it was a small rectangular piece of paper) but it was never really a huge deal to me. But it would really bother James if I didn't, so I'll try my hardest and go and get that picky, picky man something...twice. I have some ideas, though.

James says I'm really going to like my Christmas gift. He keeps going on about it and is intentionally creating a hype in me...This year is our last Christmas (or any holiday) away from each other. We will be spending all holidays with his family for specific reasons, so I wanted to spend a "last Christmas" with my family. We are basically hoping to do what my dad does with his mom and go down the week after Christmas in future years, but this will be a nice... though spending 4 1/2 days away from him will be awful. We plan to exchange presents before Christmas, and then over the phone we'll open the other's present. Isn't that ridiculously cute and kinda romantic? (DON'T TELL JAMES, HE'LL CHANGE IT IF HE KNEW!!!)

Oh, my doctor asked to see my in 6 months, and I excitedly shouted "I'll have a different name then!!" 4 months, 22 days... but who's counting, really (at the risk of losing my head, I'll mention that James actually informs me of how many days that are left multiple times each day)?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

7 Quick Proven facts

1. Lack of sleep  makes you sleepy, and, in high increments, unable to sleep at the same time.

2. Six months is waaay too long to be engaged.

3. An hour is waaay too long of a (one way) commute.

4. I want a house.

5. James is wonderful.

6. James is expensive.

7. My Daddy has a hearing on the 9th (they call it a "mediation"). Daddy got fired (not rally unfair or anything, they just wanted the management to go in a different direction, which is fine, it was what they didn't do that was the problem), but they aren't giving him the severance that was promised in his contract... or any at all. Daddy has a good lawyer, they don't. Let's see how this goes.

8. There are more than seven proven facts on this list.