Sunday, October 28, 2012

I neglect my blog updates

Oh well, I'm busy and have a "real" life (not actually as you will see soon)... and a LOT has been going on.

1) I don't actually think I mentioned it here, but at the end of last month my father was hit by a car while riding a bike (not his, actually). He never went unconscious, but he was temporarily paralyzed completely. It was very scary for my mother... it would have been very scary for me if my mother had bothered to call my cell phone more than once... (when you see one phone call from your mother that was a couple of hours ago and it's now 9:30, you don't think, "Oh wow, I should call her back RIGHT NOW!" I was planning on calling her during lunch the next day). The word only got to me because her next door neighbor found my work number and got ahold of me there (freaked me out by giving me no mention of who he is but talking to me sternly as soon as I answered the phone, I honestly thought it was another phone stalker [I had one my first year of college]). Anyway, by the time I found out, he was able to move every appendage and talk so it looked like he was going to be okay. I'm planning on visiting them in DC this weekend, but I called them and said I don't want to hit any huge storms on the way, cause it looks like there will be tons of rain all over our route.

2) My spiritual director is back in the country and safe. I lost 10 pounds while he was missing, not a diet I recommend, but I was starting to not fit into many of my clothes, so this was good. I've been able to keep off  most of that by not snacking. I'm so glad he's back but as he tells his story, I am more and more scared. The situation in Greece is a true nightmare. Apparently one of the fastest growing parties there is a neo-nazi party, which is anti immigrant, and anti Catholic. Father was basically going to Greece to be a Vatican diplomat... I'm amazed he got out alive.

3) I don't like my town. I have nothing more than a couple of acquaintances (oh, and I guess a husband, too). Let's just say that this town really sucks if you are a bit of a shy extrovert. Also, I don't fit in with the people here. I'm used to towns with culture... people... traffic that at least makes sense...I don't believe that to be a Trad you have to have ugly skirts, 12 children by the time you've been married 10 years, and... ya. I've met one guy that I think will get along with James and me really well when he graduates from Christendom. Funny enough he played organ at our wedding... and then we met him a month or two later through crazy happenstance! There is also another girl that I *love* but she lives a bit far away and unless she finds a job closer (which she wants to) it's a bit crazy for her to come and hang out a lot.

4) If you don't mind saying a prayer for our finances, please do. Student loans are literally half of our income (after taxes). Rent is a third. Gas is somewhere around 2/5, and all other expenses are around a third... if you can't tell, that means we're going into debt each month. Now, I just got a credit card that I have 0% interest on until June, but I currently have $2,000 on it that I have no way to pay down (they keep raising and raising my credit limit on it). I'm seriously getting nervous. I didn't think it was that bad until last month, when I realized that even with my several hundred dollar bonus, we couldn't make ends meet...I keep praying that James will get a better job, or at least we'll get the loans on the income repayment plan, but that takes ages, and James gets so frustrated and overwhelemed and gives up on it temporarily, not realizing what a burdon he's placing on me. I hope this isn't too personal of information to share, but I'm just seriously getting nervous... Prayers would be appreciated.

5) I'm back on the Remicade. At this point, I'm 83% sure we'll be able to afford it, but I just don't know. Here's to hoping! I can already move better and I only had it two days ago! My left elbow is *slightly* straighter, too! Yay!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Father is okay!!

To those who don't know, my beloved spiritual director contacted his family Monday (yesterday) and he is safe! Thanks to everyone who prayed! I can't wait to see him for the second time in my life (because he's been in Greece/Rome the entire time I've known him, I only met him once in person, we've exchanged about 1,000 emails, though and talked on the phone possibly 300 times in 4 years). (those numbers are rough estimates)

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Something new

I'm working on something new. I think it's going to be absolutely great. It's something I enjoy writing about and studying (although I have no formal training, but doesn't that make me a perfect blogger?). What is it?

I'm not telling.

All I will say is that it's not something strictly religious, but I think it's a great way to promote culture in this society. It's about art. It's gonna be great.

It's also prolly gonna be a few months before I have it all up and running.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Belated updates

Hi everyone!

I have been so caught up in everything that's been going on that I haven't given much time to updating this. I'm glad to know that there are still people that check in and care :)

First, my arthritis: I am currently on take 3 of meds. It's been a slow and painful (quite literally) journey, and the outcome just seems to look more and more bleak as the time goes on. Yesterday was quite a rough day for me. However, I talked to the receptionist for my Rhumie (she's excellent, if it weren't for her, I'd have found a different doctor by now) and told her that I wanted to meet with the doctor to try something different. I'm currently on Orencia. It was great for the first month, but last month I've basically been living off of my NSAIDS (which I don't like taking because they say that they are very harmful to fetuses [I'm not pregnant, but it's one of those 'just in case' things]). I learned an important lesson, though... if you leave your 800 mg (ibuprofen) NSAIDS at work, taking four Motrin (800 mg of ibuprofen) is NOT an adequate replacement. Haven't figured out why yet... Anyway, when I started my Remicade (my literal cure for arthritis that I can't take anymore because it's not covered by my insurance and it's about $7k per dose), the doctor put me on an accellerated regimen for it. You're supposed to take it every two months, but because my arhtirits was so severe, I took it once every two weeks for the first month or two, then once a month for several months, and then I started taking it every 2 months (when I insisted upon it because cost was a concern). It literally cured my arthritis temporarily. I went to the doctor a year ago to try and start taking it again (a year since I had taken my last dose) and she said that I couldn't be approved for it because I had literally no traces of arthritis in my system. Unfortunately, that was short lived and now I wish I could find where I put my little Beebee, my blue cane. Yes I name canes. No that name is not permanent. Bartholomeu is retired because I dropped him so often that the finish started chipping away and gives me blisters to use.

Anyway, sorry about the random rant, my mind is going a million miles a minute right now.  I'm going to ask the doctor if we can start a similar regimen with the Orencia. We're quite running out of options here, and I want to get this show on the road. I have a lot of faith in Orencia because it's made very similar to Remicade. I just think we have to do this right. We'll see how it goes. If he isn't willing to try it, I can always go with another doctor (this isn't church, I can pick and choose until I find someone I like).

As for other parts of my life... marriage is going well. It's so nice to be around him all the time... most of the time. I really like being around him, but I'm learning that even extrovert me needs some alone time... and usually he wants to talk about stuff when I get home... which creates some interesting moments. There is no where to hide in my 585 square foot apartment. So I actually have to deal with problems when they come up. I don't like that, but I've found it's amazing for our relationship.

I joined the Schola. It's... interesting. I'm actually finding myself more and more isolated from the people that sing Schola every time I do it. You see, I'm a liturgical text follower (remember, I do that Traditional Latin Mass thing). I am not really able to pray when singing words that I don't know the meaning of (but Jane... it's LATIN, that makes it superior to anything you could ever do in your measly little brain!), so I bring my missal up there and follow along at every moment we're not singing.

You know what I can't stand about singing in the Schola? It's REALLY hard to concentrate. First, I missed the first meeting cause I'm a ditz and the director still hasn't been able to get me a book that I can sing along with. I find that incredibly difficult to deal with. He wants us to practice and such, but how do you expect me to practice when you don't give me anything to work with? The best I can do is practice pronunciation of the text, but that is unlikely to help because we spend so much time on one syllable (I'm beginning to find that I really enjoy low Mass). The director has been good to me, but I feel like such an outcast. Every time we have a pause from singing, I whip out my missal and begin following along like a fiend, and people around me are whispering and there is tons of page turning and such. Look, I will either scramble at the last minute to find the page we're on, or I will look on with the person next to me and pretend to sing (I need the music right up close to my face to see). But the director will hold up music for 3.5 seconds and 1) expect that everyone can see what he's holding up and 2) expect that people know where to find it (we have two books that look identical but have different types of music in them. One is labelled the "blue book" and I have yet to discover why... maybe once I actually get said books, I'll understand).

But the WORST part is that after we receive the Blessed Sacrament, we sing. I have no time to collect my thoughts, to pray or anything. I just have to go straight into singing. I always disliked when Scholas would sing right after the Blessed Sacrament. It's like, Hello, are you afraid of the silence? I find it much less irritating than when people try to make Communion time into an Organ concert but I still find it frustrating. Ugh, I've cried both times we've sung and that's happened. I still need to address my concerns with the director, but I'm having a difficult time writing them in a way that doesn't sound like "I'm all holy and paying attention to Mass while YOUR Schola is more concerned with what we're singing next!" I know that's not the case. If people are talking, it's usually for the purpose of enhancing the Mass ("What song is next?") and it's never idle chatter. I realize that some people pray really well while singing. I just don't. There is a part of me that is concerned about how well they do or don't pay attention, but I also realize that people pray differently, and for the first year or so, when I was first learning the TLM, I would just sit there and observe all of the movements of the altar servers and the priest, listen to the music, observe the statues and such, and that was the most effective prayer I had ever had up until that time.

I'm not planning on leaving the Schola yet, I think an honest discussion with the director is necessary first. I'm just frustrated.

On to another, rather exciting note.... I am officially looking into Third Orders! I went to the Discalced Carmelite meeting a few weeks ago. I had the most... interesting experience with it. Before the meeting, we stood around talking, and I thought that part was wonderful. There are a lot of people there and they were so kind and excited to see me and James there (he's looking into Third Orders, too, but I would be severely surprised if he ends up joining them). My main problem I had with it actually had nothing to do with the spirituality of it. There was this girl there in a Tweety bird shirt. She looked like she had to be around 30. However, she acted like she was 4 with a severe case of ADHD. I've seen people like this before. My Maid of Honor's sister has a pretty serious case of aspergers. I'm not positive that this is what the girl had, but it would have to be something similar if that's not it. Anyway, I had the hardest time because she was the BIGGEST DISTRACTION. She was constantly speaking out of turn, saying absolutely nothing in the most words possible (that' not entirely fair, the problem was that if someone mentioned a virtue, she would immediately blurt out how it was tied to a specific verse in Deuteronomy and would quote it verbatim. She must be going through Deuteronomy in some sort of Bible study because it was the only book she quoted and frankly... it's an odd book to quote when pertaining to the virtues) while we were supposed to be having a presentation given to us. And it seemed that no one there knew how to handle her appropriately. They allowed her to talk out of turn and just smiled and waited for her to stop (while looking around nervously at each other). I am not sure who her caretaker was (you could tell she is not high functioning enough to live on her own let alone drive herself there), but a couple of different people took her out at specific points and talked to her at the beginning and the end. It really didn't work. At one point the presenter said, "You can talk later but let me finish this one thing" and the girl was like, "Oh, but let me say this and then I'll be done" (to her credit, she didn't speak out of turn again for the rest of the 3 minutes left of the presentation).

Anyway, there really should have been a person sitting next to her (she did move her seat at one point to sit closer) and guiding about when it was or was not appropriate to speak. I understand that you have to be cautious in correcting a woman with Aspergers so that they don't feel like you hate them (this is very important with people with Aspergers), but there really should have been someone next to her, touching her hand lightly and saying "________, it's not your turn. Wait a few minutes until it is your turn. I promise I won't let them miss your turn." But no, there was nothing even similar to that. What really frustrates me is that I think I would have really liked the group outside of that instance. Oh well, perhaps this is God's way of keeping me in check... I tend to get Carmelite infatuation on a regular basis, so perhaps this is keeping me looking at this with a clear head.

Anyway, those are the three main things going on. We still aren't unpacked and I still have TONS of Thank you notes left... but such is life. I hear that you're allowed up to six months to get out the last of the Thank You notes... I still have two left.

Monday, July 2, 2012

7 Long takes Saturday

1) I have been dead. James doesn't know this, but I've been going to work early all this week because I've just wanted to get out of the apartment. It's been so messy that I can't function. Finally today I broke down and told him that I didn't even want to go to the bathroom because of how nasty it is in there. There has only been one other time that the messyness of a room has contributed to that much of a breakdown, and it was when I lived with this girl Tessie. She was SUCH a sweetheart, BUT she was the worst mess I've ever known. She would fill up her drawers with stuff so high that they couldn't close (big pet peeve of mine), then, instead of cleaning them, she would DETACH them from their source, and pile them with stuff as high as they could go (piling other drawers on top of it). Ya, I kinda lost it that semester. I mean, I'm no neat freak myself, but I do kinda go crazy with too much clutter. Now that I have a permanent roommate... it's kinda bad. It drains me of energy. I was supposed to do dishes all this week because of the dog (more on that below) and I just didn't have the energy to do them! I've been grumpy at work, but boy have I collected overtime this week (I generally don't stay late on principal, but everyone knows I am a chronically early arriver).

2) We got a dog. We don't have him any more because it was more a trial period. He was a beagle with some serious behavioral issues. He didn't get the fact that my bedroom is not a toilet, so we had to keep him in a crate when we couldn't pay 90% attention to him. But that only caused him to be more wild and unmanageable... so we decided to give him back.

3) The arthritis is back... with a vengeance. I was walking the dog the other day and I did something to my hip, causing my knee and hip to get really inflamed and I had a huge limp until I went to the rolfer on Thursday. She found that I walk with my knees pointed in so that overstimulated a nerve and she pressed on it and I almost died. This seemed to eliminate my inflammation that was going on, but I still have some damage in my left hip. I also apparently hold all of my stress inside (try telling James that) and it leaves me with chronically tight muscles/tendons. I still haven't been able to walk normally (I can't walk forward with my left leg all the way back) yet, but I'm going to try and go for another appointment soon. I've been continuously trying to touch the nerve and it's been helping, though it has a long way to go.

4) I didn't misspell the word above. I welt to a Rolfer. She does Rolfing. It's this non-new age alternative therapy thing. It's kind of a combination of chiropractic, massage therapy, relexology, ect. It stretches and pulls and honestly hurts a bit. But I think it's working in decreasing my inflammation... and that's totally worth the money I shell out for it.

5) A friend of mine invented something really cool. I'm not the type of person to just say that, but he really did. I always end up running into this guy from one time to another, and then I don't hear from him again for like a year. He's always great to talk to and he's been through a lot. Last time I saw him he was working on a documentary for his deceased wife (May God rest her soul), and now I find out he's become an entrepreneur (ask me if that surprises me, that man thinks at like a million miles a minute and is always thinking about new things).

Here's the website:  (be sure to watch the video)

You back yet? You have to admit that it's totally cool. I'm thinking I'm going to have to get some as gifts... I'm not just trying to plug for my my friend.... In all honesty, if I didn't think it was a good idea I'd mention it to James and then be done with it.

6). Speaking of inventions that I love, I have fallen madly in love with space bags. James' mother makes quilts. James' mother also makes other types of blankets. James' grandmother made blankets... James' great-grandmother made blankets... needless to say, we have too many blankets that we can't get rid of due to sentimental value (sentimental value my- well you know, James is just a bit of a hoarder, not really but he does have the most obnoxious way of going through things before deciding what to get rid of...). Anyway, now these space bags have taken what was taking up three closet tops filled with blankets (and then a couple more thrown in) and now is just filling one closet top... Yes, this is awesome. I have the top of my closet again!!!

7. James is making dinner. It smells good... I think I'll go so I can eat...

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Soo tired

Hi everyone,

I've been too tired to really post anything, but maybe at some point I'll have energy...and/or time...

Good news, though,
1) I don't have diabetes (they found high levels of sugar in my urine, but it was because of my medicine that it was artificially high)
2) It looks like my arthritis is getting better!

Random: Anyone ever try rolfing? I have excessively tight muscles all in my back and legs (and arms and...) so I'm giving this a shot to replace my ineffective chiropractic work. I hear it's going to be a bit painful, but extremely worth it.